How to prevent little kids from crossing the street

You get down on one knee (because they're short) and tell them all about invisible cars.

"Invisible cars?" They'll question.

What you tell them is that rich people drive invisible cars. They can afford to get the invisible paint job, just like Wonder Woman. They know who Wonder Woman is because they watch Boomerang 24/7. So yeah, invisible fucking cars. Tell them that and they'll never cross again on a red signal.

If they ask you why YOU cross on a DON'T WALK signal, tell them that adult get special implants in their eyes that allow them to see invisible things. Like monsters and invisible cars. Tell them this is also why their mom thinks she's fat when she doesn't look fat. Her fat is INVISIBLE! With enough effort you can scare children into not crossing the street. Who wants to get blindsided by an invisible car?

If I ever become a father I'll be a champion of child rearing.

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