400 snapshots of my crotch later, I've begun to employ the 'KEY LOCK' function on my phone.

I probably wouldn't be in this pickle if it wasn't for my abandoning of the belt clip. See, I've come to realize the belt clip is only useful if you keep your shirts tucked in. If you untuck your shirts like I do, then it looks like I have some variation of hernia. And rather than look like an even bigger fool, (Like, do I really need help with that? Have you seen the way I dress?) I've opted to keeping it in my pocket.

I'm starting to wonder if I made the right decision. Keeping this thing in my pocket, like I said, means I get to delete rubbish pictures constantly. It also means my lower half will make random calls to people throughout the day. I'm told my right thigh is a good listener. I hope my right thigh has the money for these anytime minutes it spent listening to some old man in Tokyo.

And why didn't I just use KEY LOCK from the beginning? Hubris.

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