Here's a partial transcript of Jimmy Kimmel's appearance on The Jay Leno Show. Kimmel was asked to come on after the show after dressing up in a Jay Leno costume and acting like him for an entire episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live! in response to news that Leno will be returning to host The Tonight Show. People will want to quote this exchange so I figured I'd do it the grunt work. I had nothing better to do.
I transcribed this from the full clip of Jimmy Kimmel on The Jay Leno Show that was posted to Gawker. I only transcribed the relevant quotes.
I don't watch The Jay Leno Show but I'm guessing 10@10 is like a sounds: a segment where guests are asked ten questions at ten o'clock.
Leno: Alright, question two: besides doing a cruel impression of me, what is the worst idea your writers have ever pitched you?
Kimmel: Hum... Well that was my idea to be honest. [...]
Leno: Number five: you're known for pranks, what's the best prank you've ever pulled?
Kimmel: [...] I told a guy that five years from now I'm gonna give you my show. And then when the five years came I gave it to him and then I took it back almost instantly.
Leno: Wow. Wow.
Kimmel: It was hilarious.
Leno: Very good prank. Very good prank.
Kimmel: I think he works at Fox or something now.
Leno: Yeah. Yeah. I gotcha. Alright, number six! Ever order anything off the TV?
Kimmel: Like NBC ordered your show off the TV?
Leno: Yeah, yeah. No-no, no! Actually something like that, yeah!
Leno: Number seven: you grew up in Las Vegas and hosted The Man Show, what's the most number of lap dances you've had in one night?
Kimmel: Jay my mother's watching the show so... Actually, no wait a minute, the show's canceled right? Nobody's watching the show.
Leno: Right. Right. Yeah, good point.
Kimmel: My mother's not watching the show.
Leno: Your mom's not watching.
Kimmel: I'm not much of a lap dance guy I'm more of a lap band guy myself.
Leno: Lap band guy!
Kimmel: But um... Yes, I don't like, you know, strippers I don't like in general because you have this phony relationship with them for money. Similar to that of when you and Conan were on The Tonight Show together.
Leno: Yes, yes, yes.
Kimmel: Passing the torch.
Leno: Right, right. Yes, yes, yes.
Kimmel: You know what I'm saying.
Leno: Yes. Yes I do. Yes I do. Yes I do. What do you fear most?
Kimmel: I fear the network will move my show to ten o'clock.
Leno: Right, right, right. I had that nightmare! Yeah. Alright, number nine!
Kimmel: How did it go?
Leno: Number nine! Is-is there anything you haven't hosted that you want to host?
Kimmel: Oh this is a trick, right?
Kimmel: Where you get me to host The Tonight Show and then take it back from me?
Leno: No, no, no, no, no.
Kimmel: I'm not gonna--
Leno: Not quite.
Leno: No no.
Kimmel: Listen Lucy, I'm not Charlie Brown, I don't fall for that trick. Nah, I'd say, I'd say the Soul Train Awards.
Leno: Soul Train Awards.
Kimmel: I would like to be the host of the Soul Train Awards.
Leno: And finally number ten. A, B, or C, you came on at 10@10 because: A - you love innovative satellite technology, B - you're promoting you're own show, C - you want to keep me happy in case I decide to switch to ABC.
Kimmel: It's, you know what it's all of the above, really. Listen, Jay--
* Leno: Oh! Oh, I'm sorry!
Kimmel: --Conan and I have children. All you have to take care of is cars.
Leno: That's right.
Kimmel: I mean, we have lives to lead here. You-you've got 800 million dollars! For God's sakes, leave our shows alone!
Leno: A plea from Jimmy Kimmel! Jimmy thank you very much my friend, see ya tonight. Jimmy Kimmel Live!
* At this point Jay Leno attempts to interrupt Jimmy Kimmel but is thwarted by satellite delay.