Mr. Raymond Returns My Phone

Mr. Raymond Returns My Phone

(I know said I was going to the subway earlier but I changed my mind. Just to clear any potential confusion, the stuff your about to read took place after work today. Before I got home. Enjoy?)

"Do you have the time?"


"Five-thirty? Okay."

The newsstand worker went back to stocking Snapples. And there it was. I had nothing to do but wait. I'll just lean on this beam until Mr. Raymond gets here. It's a little awkward. Here I am just standing by the newsstand, I'm not even buying anything. Should I play Mario Kart on my DS or listen to the crazy religious lady call every passerby a sinner? I'll tell you what's a sin. Why--

"Excuse me, are you Alain?" He asked.

Hmm. I think I know who this is. But I should probably spell that without the i. No one ever spells it with the i. He probably has it in his head spelled as Allen or Alan. I don't really care how it's spelled or nickna--

"Excuse me?" He asked again.

Okay maybe I should just put the pen down and--. I tucked the mini composition book and pen into my pocket.

"Yes! Wow! You got here sooner than I expected. You're Raymond, right?"

"Yes. I was just standing over there waiting and then I saw."

He pulled my phone from out of his pocket. I was happy. Not to have my phone back, I was happy that people like Raymond still exist. "I found it by those stairs", he pointed to where he found me phone yesterday. I shook his hand and thanked him profusely. He awkwardly said "Ok, bye" and like that he was gone.

As I sit here on the train, writing this, and maybe trying to get a good look of the cleavage sitting across from me, which is difficult because she's wearing shades, I can't tell if she can see me looking, I have to look through my peripheral or not at all, OH MY GOD THEY'RE JIGGLING, should this be inside a parenthesis or is the multiple comma use allowed, too late now, okay I think she caught me looking, dammit now in her head I'm a pervert, and that's only sometimes true, I wonder if I should have offered him a reward.

He didn't hesitate to go back to his friend. It's not like he held his palm out or anything. And over the phone no reward was mentioned. I know if I was in his position I would have done it for the karma points. Or just because it's the right thing to do. I would have refused any monies if offered. You suppose I should have offered him a reward anyway? Offer a reward so that he can then refuse it? Perhaps, just perhaps, I denied Mr. Raymond the joy of refusing a reward. I denied him the chance of showing a little virtue. Or chivalry.

My apologies Mr.Raymond, I denied you your moment. I do appreciate you not holding my phone hostage or extorting money out of me. Mr. Raymond. A good guy that guy. I know for sure I would have done the same, and I have! I'll need to pay this forward anyway. I MUST!

This was just what I needed. My week started out like God was taking a dump on my chest. And I'm not into that. But things are starting to turn around. And believe me, bad shit has been happening all week. I just didn't feel like blogging about it. Everything’s falling apart, let's just say that. I can't wait to get back to my usual cheery, bouncy self.

Tomorrow I'm going to another club with my friend Agnieska. Remember her? That should be fun. Why is this guy wearing jeans without a belt? Look at those naked belt loops! They look so sad. Why is this any of my concern. Oh God is that lady reading this. HEY, ARE YOU READING THIS? WHY ARE YOU READING THIS? WELL, YOU SMELL LIKE ORANGES, GRANNY. SO THERE. WHY YOU HAVE TO EAT YOUR ORANGES NEXT TO ME LIKE THAT? OR AT ALL? CAN'T THAT WAIT UNTIL YOU GET HOME? THE NERVE OF YOU.

I might as well put the notebook away, my stop is approaching.

New York photographer, party mammal, and Internet troll for hire. Alain-Christian is an OG who’s been blogging for over 20 years dating back to the early days of AOL. He loves sharing his offbeat opinions on pop culture, bestowing his tech knowledge, and making arts.