The MTA attempts to pacify straphangers anger over fare hikes with subways ads. (Because it’s a law for some reason that in articles about the subway you refer to riders as “straphangers.”)

Hilarious Anagrams for Those Wet Paint Signs on the Subway. Truly hilarious.

I can’t get anybody on the phone. Obama’s election win tied up the phone lines!

That’s chode if I ever seen one.

I pointed out that his job is a lie.

Don’t eat your food on the subway. I learned this the hard way.

Standing closer to me is not gonna move the line any faster!

Just ignore this one..

Belt clips are so dorky-looking.

A dramatic telling of how I got my phone back from a stranger. There, just saved you the trouble.

You think I have a future in writing? Don’t answer that.

A story of derring do, dads and deceit!

Well that was a mistake!

What follows is an overly long treatise on my decision to stop playing a video game.

What is my obsession with this religious holiday?

I wasn’t high when I wrote this. I swear.

It’s time to stop.

A cringy, edgelordy, excessively swearing, try-ardy blog post from the MySpace days about my breakfast routine. Can’t believe I was still edgelording at twenty-five. Enjoy!

Now you can sue people for hurting your feelings. What a country!

Dumbest thing I ever wrote—so far!

I gotta start waking up earlier.