Update 14 OCT 18: If you’re wondering about the few MySpace mentions that’s because this entry was originally on my MySpace blog. Also this was originally two separate blog entries but I’ve since combined them. I also shortened it (really!), added headers, and clarified some details for easier reading. Also I had a tendency to write in passive voice and it was getting on my nerves to read it.
These photos were captured on a 2006-era flip phone! This entry is less about sharing amazing pictures and more about remembering old times. It’s also wild to think about but SMack! was already ten years old by the time I went to my first fetish party. Where has the time gone? Enjoy!
At first I was planning to attend QXT's Halloween Costume Party. But then I changed my mind and went to SMack! Sex Mutants! Halloween '06. I didn't know about this event until I saw Xris Smack handing out flyers for it at New York Costumes. That flyer really captured my imagination. And also QXT is in New Jersey and I didn’t want to have to deal with leaving the city.
I got there exactly at ten like it says on the flyer. (Amateur move.) The bouncers told me to come back in half an hour. When I came back a line had formed. After an hour of standing in the cold we were allowed inside! They told us the delay was due to sound issues with the bottom floor. Okay.
Where’s the Live Sex?
So let's see, on the flyer it says there was going to be live sex shows. Well, there are laws about what you can and can't get away with in a club so I took that with a grain of salt. But I was wrong. I saw things. Brutal things. I was witness to some cock and ball torture! It wasn’t for me. I can’t even type this without grimacing. It sure drew a crowd though! Speaking of stereotypes, the guys being tortured were big fat and hairy! I know what you're thinking, like Eurotrip! I don't think they had German accents though. It was hard to tell what they were saying through their gimp masks.
I saw a lot of people being led around by chains and collars. Most of them walking on all fours as their masters drank at the bar. There was a lady performing in a vignette of an evil scientist spanking people. At least i think that's what it was? I didn't watch much of that. I didn’t stick around to watch the whole thing.
But then there was my favorite sideshow. There were these two smoking hot asian chicks doing stuff to each other. It was more of a sensual performance—kissing, licking, groping, spanking—than anything too gratuitous. But it was still totally alsome. (That's how us cool kids say it.) No really, I stood there and watched some of the hottest made for Cinemax erotica for a good forty minutes. All while I was wearing the mask. It was big tease yet entertaining. I’ll take this over a strip club any day.
Not to go off topic but what exactly is the point of going to a strip club anyway? Why are you spending all this money to NOT cum? How does that make any sense? I can not cum FOR FREE! In fact I’ve spent most of my waking life NOT cumming and it’s never cost me a dime! Only guys would be dumb enough to support this strip club concept. But I digress..
…Will you join the dance?
I danced with the girl in the back of this picture. Everybody was really friendly and approachable. I showed my boss these pictures and he asked if I grabbed her boobs. I laughed uncomfortably and said, "No." The thought never even entered into my head. I had a really good time without performing unsolicited mammograms on random womens. And there were plenty of topless folk there. The way I see it, there's an unspoken trust here. I don't see it as an invite. It’s the same as if they were clothed. It’s not an automatic consent.
I have to say, though, the women here are VERY proud of their bodies. The men too, but I don't think guys have as much a self esteem issue as women do. In this club I saw beauty of all shapes and sizes and I could FEEL the confidence. They owned it, man. A lot of women were only wearing something to cover their bottom half and a pair of boots! And maybe some body paint. I saw a lot of body mods too, including: fangs, brands, tattoos and random other shit I don't even know what to call. I went into sensory overload.
Dancing was fun! The dance floor got crowded very quickly. This made me happy. Ever since I could remember I loved being in cramped places. One of my earliest childhood memories is going down to my grandparents basement and wedging myself between the wall and the stacks of wooden crates they kept down there and laugh contently. I love being around other people and I couldn't be happier. All the sites and colors and good vibes, it energized me!
It's not easy dancing with that mask on. Especially not with my horns. I had to be careful not stab anyone. Especially not all those bare chested women. Yikes! But actually I made out okay. I incorporated the mask into my dancing. Kind of like a bull. I can't really describe it. Just rest assured no boobs were harmed.
The venue was divided in two sections. The dance floor was upstairs and the fetish dungeon was downstairs. Towards the end of the night, people (mostly dudes) were getting their foot fetish on. Dudes were sucking on womens toes like it was the cure for ebola virus or something. And the women weren’t even ticklish! I guess they’re used to it? The guys were really worshiping these feet. No matter how much they kissed, licked and sucked the women retained their composure. To be honest they seemed disinterested to me! Is that part of the kink?
I'm not into the whole feet thing but I used to know a co-worker at Best Buy who was. He would be in paradise here. The guy was so obsessed with feet that when the guys would come up to him and be like, "Check out that girl by the washing machines! She’s so hot!" He'd respond with, "She's okay but she should've worn sandals or something." As if she did something wrong by wearing Keds. He wore an anklet. Foot guys are so extra!
I got my picture taken several times but I wonder if I'll ever see them. I've constantly been checking the website. In fact I intentionally didn't bring my camera. First because it's fucking huge. And second when I they said there would be professional photographers at the party. These photos were taken with my camera phone. I must say they came out better than I was expecting. I'm sure there's a shot of me on the speaker in someone's roll of 35mm somewhere. I also might be on the video they were shooting. I was all over the place!
They were handing out Hallowe’en candies at the bar in plastic pumpkin heads! I had myself a few gummy things. I couldn’t tell their shapes apart in the dark though. Someone was smoking weed in there that smelled like an aftershave I used to wear. Yeah!
Some dude was walking around with a giant inflatable penis. It had a strobe light under it. I understand the giant inflatable penis, but why’d he pair it with a strobe light? I should have asked, right?
The age range was random. It went from young folk to people I think that were probably in their late fifties or even older. I’m not hating. If you're old and still living life to the fullest you have all my respect. They were mingling just like the rest of us. Did I mention how friendly and inviting this atmosphere here was?
There was a costume contest. Edward Scissorhands won. My pictures don’t do him justice. That Medusa was also outstanding. I can still remember her snakey hair! I guess that’s Everything.
I had to walk home from the Union Turnpike subway stop because the bus wouldn't be there for another hour. The walk is about 20 minutes. I could’ve been home in two minutes if I took a cab. I tried to explain this to one of the nearby drivers. I told him I was willing to pay two dollars—the same cost as taking the bus! He asked for six. I gave him the finger. I’d be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to just spoon the homeless guy lying in the gutter and just pray I wake up before him the next morning. That’s how tired I was! I woke up with a ringing in my ears from all the loud music, sore muscles from all the dancing, and a smile on my face from the good time I had!
New York photographer, party mammal, and Internet troll for hire. Alain-Christian is an OG who’s been blogging for over 20 years dating back to the early days of AOL. He loves sharing his offbeat opinions on pop culture, bestowing his tech knowledge, and making arts.